secret of evermore

a review of Secret of Evermore
a videogame developed by Square Los Angeles
and published by Squaresoft
for the super nintendo entertainment system
text by tim rogers

4 stars
#22

Bottom line: Secret of Evermore is “confident and modern”

MONSTER HUNTER PORTABLE 2nd G

a review of MONSTER HUNTER PORTABLE 2nd G (Monster Hunter Freedom Unite)
a videogame developed by capcom japan
and published by capcom
for the sony playstation portable
text by tim rogers

4 stars
#23

Bottom line: MONSTER HUNTER PORTABLE 2nd G is “the son of Street Fighter II.”

SPARTAN: TOTAL WARRIOR

a review of spartan: total warrior
a videogame developed by creative assembly
and published by sega
for the microsoft xbox (not compatible with xbox 360), the nintendo gamecube and the playstation 2 computer entertainment system
text by tim rogers

4 stars
#24

Bottom line: spartan: total warrior is “the sharpest game of all time, bar slitting your wrist with a DVD shard.”

CASTLEVANIA: BLOODLINES

a review of Castlevania: Bloodlines
a videogame developed by Konami
and published by Konami
for Sega Genesis and Sega MegaDrive
text by tim rogers

4 stars
#25

Bottom line: Castlevania: Bloodlines is “the greatest stupid game ever.”

BRAID (?)

a review of Braid
a videogame developed by number none
and published by microsoft
for the xbox live arcade
text by soulja boy

ZERO stars

Bottom line: Braid is “OOOH! OOOOOOH! OOOOOOOOH!”

CALL OF DUTY TO THE FOURTH POWER: MODERN WARFARE

a review of Call Of Duty 4
a videogame developed by infinity ward
and published by activision
for Microsoft Windows, the macintosh operating system x, the microsoft xbox 360, the nintendo wii and the sony playstation 3 computer entertainment system
text by tim rogers

4 stars

Bottom line: Call Of Duty 4 is “the first videogame of the rest of our lives.”

BIOSHOCK

a review of BioShock
a videogame developed by 2k boston
and published by 2k games
for the microsoft xbox 360 computer entertainment machine
text by tim rogers

2 stars

Bottom line: BioShock is “not art.”

grand theft auto iv

a review of Grand Theft Auto IV
a videogame developed by rockstar north ltd.
and published by take-two interactive software inc.
for Microsoft Windows, the microsoft xbox 360 and the sony playstation 3 computer entertainment system
text by Brandon Parker

3 stars

Bottom line: Grand Theft Auto IV is “keeping me awake at night.”

professor layton and the curious village

a review of Professor Layton And The Curious Village
a videogame developed by level-5
and published by nintendo
for mobile phones and the nintendo DS
text by Brandon Parker

3 stars

Bottom line: Professor Layton And The Curious Village is “a strange and rare desert plant that only comes up out of the ground every 20 years or so, and so alien is its shape and unique its beauty that the snakes, lizards, and other desert animals all stop fighting and killing each other out there, and they all call a truce just for the chance to get a good look and wonder if it's edible or not.”

army of TWO

a review of Army of TWO (2)
a videogame developed by hexxus montreal
and published by hexxus
for the microsoft xbox 360 and the sony playstation 3 computer entertainment system
text by Brandon Parker

0.5 star

Bottom line: Army of TWO is “LONG LIVE SADDAAAAAAAAAM!”