Archive for March, 2009

Soul Blazer (***)

Posted on March 29th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXTa review of
soul blazer
a videogame by quintet
with music by yukihide takekawa
published by enix
for the super nintendo entertainment system
text by andrew toups
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Soul Blazer, “like any good hooker, makes kleptomania feel philanthropic.”

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duel love (zero stars)

Posted on March 23rd, 2009

a review of
duel love
a videogame by bandai-namco
published by namco-bandai
for the nintendo ds
text by brendan lee
score: zero stars (out of four)

Bottom line: Duel Love is
“that time in Social Studies where the fat kid farted.”

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golden axe: beast rider (**1/2)

Posted on March 23rd, 2009

GABR GABR, hey
a review of golden axe: beast rider
a videogame published by sega
for the sony playstation 3 computer entertainment system and the microsoft xbox 360
text by samuel kite
score: 1/2 (out of four)

Bottom Line: Golden Axe: Beast Riderwasn’t a snuff film before, but it is now. Be grateful.

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braid (****) (game of the year 2008)

Posted on March 19th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
braid
a videogame by jonathon blow
with art by david hellman
developed by number none
published by microsoft
for the xbox live arcade
text by tim rogers
score: (out of four) (game of the year 2008)

Bottom line: Braid is “the best game of 2008″.

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space invaders extreme (****) (game of the year 2008)

Posted on March 19th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
space invaders extreme
a videogame developed and published by taito
for the nintendo DS and sony playstation portable handheld gaming systems
score: (out of four) (game of the year 2008)

Bottom line: Space Invaders Extreme is “the other best game of 2008″.

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prince of persia (**)

Posted on March 19th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of prince of persia
a videogame by ubisoft montreal
published by ubisoft
for the microsoft xbox 360 and sony playstation 3 computer entertainment systems
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Prince of Persia is “probably a pretty good game”.

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castlevania judgment (*)

Posted on March 2nd, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
castlevania: judgment
a videogame developed by konami
and published by konami
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Castlevania: Judgment is “one of those NES cartridges you might’ve asked your mom to buy from a garage sale when you were six because it starred a favorite cartoon character – when you played it, you found out all it shared with the cartoon was the stage music being based on the product’s main theme”.

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metroid fusion (***1/2)

Posted on March 2nd, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
metroid fusion
a videogame developed by nintendo r&d1
and published by nintendo
text by ario barzan
score: 1/2(out of four)

Bottom line: Metroid Fusion is “unnaturally natural”.

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