Archive for March, 2007

crackdown (***)

Posted on March 28th, 2007

rubya review of
crackdown (riot act)
a videogame by realtime worlds
published by microsoft
for the microsoft xbox 360
text by tim rogers
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Crackdown is “why kids don’t play with Lego anymore.”

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donkey kong 3 (*)

Posted on March 27th, 2007

DK3 boxa review of
donkey kong 3
a videogame by nintendo r&d#1
published by nintendo
for the nintendo entertainment system
text by eric-jon rössel waugh
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Donkey Kong 3 is “as much fun and about as wholesome as lighting a birthday candle on your chest and covering it with a jam jar.”

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wild arms V: the Vth vanguard (****)

Posted on March 23rd, 2007

rubya review of
wild arms V: the Vth vanguard
a videogame by media.vision
published by sony computer entertainment japan
(to be published in america by XSEED games)
for the sony playstation 2 computer entertainment system
text by tim rogers
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Wild Arms V: The Vth Vanguard is “brilliant, subtle, and pretty low-key for a Rube Goldberg device.”

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saints’ row (zero stars)

Posted on March 22nd, 2007

HOMEBOYZa review of
saints’ row
a videogame by volition, inc.
published by THQ
for the xbox 360
text by tim rogers
score: zero x (out of four)

Bottom line: Saints’ Row is “the videogame equivalent of a hate crime.”

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final fantasy iii (DS) (*)

Posted on March 22nd, 2007

FFIII boxa review of
final fantasy iii (DS)
a videogame by matrix software & square/enix
published by square/enix
for the nintendo ds
text by brendan lee
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Final Fantasy III (DS) is
“Bending from the waist.”

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SIGMA STAR SAGA (*)

Posted on March 20th, 2007

*a review of
sigma star saga
a videogame by wayforward technologies
published by namco
for the nintendo gameboy advance
text by andrew toups
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Sigma Star Saga is
“a cautionary tale to naive independent developers with ‘innovative’ ideas.”

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the elder scrolls iv: oblivion (*1/2)

Posted on March 20th, 2007

JOYFULa review of
the elder scrolls iv: oblivion
a videogame by bethesda softworks
published by 2K games
for the sony playstation 3 computer entertainment system
text by tim rogers
score: 1/2 (out of four)

Bottom line: The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion is not the fucking holodeck on ‘Star Trek: the Next Generation’.”

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hotel dusk: room 215 (**)

Posted on March 19th, 2007

a review of
hotel dusk: room 215
a videogame by cing
published by nintendo
for the nintendo ds
text by brendan lee
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Hotel Dusk is
“Actually fucking trying.”

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monster world complete collection (***)

Posted on March 19th, 2007

JOYFULa review of
sega ages volume 29: monster world complete collection
a videogame by sega
published by sega japan
for the sony playstation 2 computer entertainment system
text by tim rogers
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Sega Ages Volume 29: Monster World Complete Collection is “A summary of all that is joyful in the world, plus memories of how retarded we were.”

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taiko no tatsujin 9 (*)

Posted on March 19th, 2007

a review of
taiko no tatsujin 9
a videogame by namco, ltd.
published by bandai-namco games
in the arcades
text by brendan lee
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Taiko no Tatsujin 9 is
“The ninth one of these.”

 

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