shinobi (***)

Posted on June 29th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
shinobi
a videogame by overworks
published by sega
for the sony playstation 2
text by ario barzan
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Shinobi is “Destroy Them All.”

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X-Men Origins: Wolverine (***)

Posted on June 29th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
x-men origins: wolverine
a videogame by raven software
published by activision
for the sony playstation 2
text by samuel kite
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: X-Men Origins: Wolverine is “doing something right.”

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fight night round 4 (**1/2)

Posted on June 25th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
fight night round 4
a videogame by ea canada
published by ea sports
for the sony playstation 3 and xbox 360
text by Action Button Dot Net
score: 1/2 (out of four)

Bottom line: Fight Night Round 4 is “escapism for people without cable television.”

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free realms (zero stars)

Posted on June 25th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
free realms
a videogame by soe san diego
published by sony online entertainment
for the sony playstation 3 and pc
text by toph stuart
score: zero (out of four)

Bottom line: Free Realms is “killing the minds of children.”

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Zone of the Enders 2: The Second Runner (*)

Posted on June 14th, 2009

Could also be called Runner Up--that would probably have just the right tone of mind-bending metaphor that Kojima cherishes a review of
Zone of the Enders 2
a videogame developed by Konami Japan
and published by Konami
text by Samuel Kite
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Zone of the Enders 2 is “unplayable for me past the second stage”.
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god hand (****)

Posted on May 18th, 2009

a review of
god hand
a videogame by clover studio
published by Capcom
for the sony playstation 2 computer entertainment system
text by ario barzan
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: God Hand is “the video game killer.”

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Otogi2:Immortal Warriors (***1/2)

Posted on May 18th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
Otogi 2:Immortal Warriors
a videogame developed by From Software
and published by sega
text by Samuel Kite
score: 1/2 (out of four)

Bottom line: Otogi 2:Immortal Warriors is “is a fighting game in which an entire level is your opponent”.
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Burnout Paradise (**1/2)

Posted on May 8th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of Burnout Paradise
a videogame developed by Criterion
and published by Electronic Arts
for the Playstation 3, Xbox 360, and PC
text by alex felix
score: 1/2 (out of four)

Bottom line: Burnout Paradise is “a place where nothing ever happens”.

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Dawn of War II (**)

Posted on April 21st, 2009

xkcd abuses this feature a review of
Dawn of War II
a videogame developed by Relic entertainment
and published by THQ
text by samuel kite
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Dawn of War II is “brand poisoning”.

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far cry 2 (*)

Posted on April 16th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
far cry 2
a videogame by ubisoft montreal
published by ubisoft
text by brandon parker
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Far Cry 2: Cry Harder is “a lie, the likes of which haven’t been perpetrated on the American public since the lead up to the War in Iraq.”

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